When the meth addict starts to feel the gnawing inside and wants to feel the rush or the high, he snorts a line and instantly sores of into a medicated trance like euphoria. Later he craves that relief again, and again.
Sitting at a bar, tired weary and fed up, he asks the bar keep for another. After a while the smooth swaying obliviousness interrupts life—just as he likes it, even needs it.
It is easy to see that drugs and alcohol are not the underlying issue with these examples. The addictions started somewhere else and for a purpose.
Maybe the first meth high was just to get wired for a rave.
Maybe the first drink was an innocent one with a friend that washed away tension. So what about porn and sex addiction?
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Underlying Themes
What are the real issues underlying the use of porn in sexual addiction? They differ, but often trace back to familiar themes. In my work I commonly see themes like these:
- What if I fail again! Before, people just mocked me. I can’t handle the shame.
- How could I ever be enough here? I have never experienced being enough.
- Intimacy and connection is bogus. People have only hurt or used me.
- I am afraid. I can’t control all of this—it is hopeless.
- What if people really knew what I am like? I have no worth or goodness.
These are powerful internal messages that drive us deep within. Most of our lives are structured around solving these core issues and keeping the pain or disappointment away. Do you resonate with any of the themes above?
How do I address underlying issues?
Understanding your story. Look for the wounds you have carried. This normally starts with seeing the rules and beliefs deeply embedded when you were younger.
How have you lived out of these beliefs and hurts? We all add to the wounds with broken reactions and a clenched fist of protection.
When you see how your life has shaped you, it is important to identify the emotional toll and the bargains you struck to deal with your emotions.
Did you refuse to let people in, cut off hope for more, and decide intimacy was too risky? Importantly, how do you feel?
Beneath these wounds and broken reactions are good longings and desires that never got met.
Beneath the Layers
Can you start to peel back the layers and find them?
Did you, and do you just want to be understood? Heard? Seen as valuable? Found to be enough? Acknowledged as precious?
Once we discover the core desires and longings we carry we can start to meet them in healthy ways that build us up. These ways promote self-esteem, move towards intimacy, reduce stress and give life to a hungry soul.
Porn meets a hungry soul with a terrible lie, promising to provide fulfillment—really it is just a trap.
About the author: Written by Paul Loosemore, MA PLPC. Paul works as a mental health counselor, and consults with those who wish to recover from Sexual Addiction—He is the founder of www.stopsexualaddiction.com.
The opinions and views of our guest contributors are shared to provide a broad perspective of addictions. These are not necessarily the views of Addiction Hope, but an effort to offer discussion of various issues by different concerned individuals.
We at Addiction Hope understand that addictions result from a combination of environmental and genetic factors. If you or a loved one are suffering from an addiction, please know that there is hope for you, and seek immediate professional help.
Reviewed By: Jacquelyn Ekern, MS, LPC on December 31, 2015
Published on AddictionHope.com