There are few things in life more painful than watching a loved one battle through a self-destructive pattern of behavior.
One of the most difficult things you might ever have to do is confront someone you deeply care for, about an addiction.
Whether it’s a spouse, a child, a close family friend or church member this is not really an easy way to engage in these difficult conversations but I encourage you do consider a few of these important principles when confronting a loved one about a porn addiction.
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#1- Stay Humble
There’s nothing worse than being confronted by someone who has an attitude of pride.
Scripture warns against such arrogance when dealing with someone caught in sin.
“Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently.
But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”
Paul clearly describes that when one person moves toward another person who’s in addiction/sin/darkness that they never move toward them for the sake of “self-promotion” or be their savior.
When you move toward someone in addiction you move toward him or her praying to God that you might be a beacon of redemption, not an instrument of wrath.
#2- Assume the best and ask questions
I vividly remember confronting a student in our youth group several years ago about his drug problem. I had pegged the kid a “doper” from the day I saw him and his slow speech, baggie pants and obsession with Cheetos made him an easy target.
When I told him, “Danny, time to repent and stop smoking weed” things didn’t go well. After a long discussion in which he promised me he wasn’t using drugs I left feeling like a total failure.
Instead of being this young man’s pastor who loved him, encouraged him, and modeled maturity for him I misjudged, accused and emotionally damaged the young man.
Danny went on to be a successful young man and by God’s grace he has forgiven me but I would have been much more helpful to move towards Danny asking questions instead of making assumptions. Don’t assume, instead humble yourself and ask questions.
#3- Remember, pornography is only a symptom…
And Lastly…When you confront someone in addictive behavior and fail to move from the behavior (symptom) to the belief (the root) you’ll never help really change him or her.
People don’t struggle with pornography out of blue. They struggle with loneliness, social anxiety, making friends, or self-esteem before they ever become addicted to virtual, synthetic fantasies.
If you’re going to confront someone make sure that you’re willing stay with them because those who are into porn are starving for REAL relationships.
It’s a brave, courageous and noble thing to fight for the joy of your friends and family. As you pursue people stay humble, stay hopeful and stay dependent on God, He alone is the one who can change anyone.
About the Author: Ryan received his BS in Bible and Theology and a minor in counseling from Multnomah University. He has pastored students, families and is passionate about Christ-centered recovery and healing.
He’s been married to his beautiful wife Michelle for 13 years and they enjoy raising four crazy, unique and special kids together. Ryan is the teaching pastor at Vast Church in Sisters, OR and is currently working on his Masters in Theology at Western Seminary in Portland, OR
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Last Updated & Reviewed By: Jacquelyn Ekern, MS, LPC on January 22, 2016
Published on AddictionHope.com
Ryan – It is such an honor to have you write for Addiction Hope. Your authentic delivery and excellent insight are so helpful. You are AWESOME!