10 Important Points on Approaching a Friend Who May Be Struggling with A Porn Addiction

Accountability Partner in Sexual Addiction

It is estimated that 450 Million people visit pornography sites each month. Compare this to the estimates of 110 million monthly visitors to Amazon or 160 million monthly visitors to Twitter [1] and it quickly becomes clear how popular online pornography is.

If you have a friend who is obsessed with viewing pornography and it is harming his or her personal or professional life, it might be time to step in and say something. But, what to say?

This is not our every day normal conversation and most of us feel pretty uncomfortable discussing sexual matters unless there is some humor involved.

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10 Points

However, if we truly care about a friend who seems to be addicted to pornography, there are some pointers to consider when you bring this up:

  1. Choose a quiet, private location to discuss the issue.
  2. Make sure you have an adequate amount of time to state your thoughts and for the friend to respond and process with you.
  3. A format of addressing sensitive matters, like the following, would work nicely in this case:
    "I feel concerned when I see you often shutting yourself off from others to watch pornography on your computer. I am sad because it seems like you are missing out on important time we could be spending together as a family. I worry that this seems to have an addictive pull for you and that this is hurting our relationship and others. I would like to help you explore some ways to get help, if you are willing? "
  4. repair-the-damage-of-the-pastDo not get over emotional or angry in this discussion, try to remain compassionate and level headed.
  5. If the discussion becomes heated, suggest that both of you allow the topic to rest and ask if you can readdress at some mutually agreeable time in the next few days - and make sure this happens.
  6. Print off an article or information sheet about pornography addiction from a website such as AddictionHope.com which covers sex and pornography addiction.
  7. Avoid using judgmental or shaming statements. Stick with the facts, your observations and feelings about this.
  8. Maintain consistent eye contact and avoid disapproving expressions.
  9. Understand that this discussion may create a temporary defensive reaction in your friend and try to respond supportively.
  10. Applaud yourself for being a good enough friend to care about the well-being of another and commend yourself for being willing to take a friendship risk out of concern and caring for your friend.

Sources:

1. Kleinman, A. (n.d.). Porn Sites Get More Visitors Each Month Than Netflix, Amazon And Twitter Combined. Retrieved January 15, 2016, from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/03/internet-porn-stats_n_3187682.html
2. How to Talk to Someone About Porn Addiction. (n.d.). Retrieved January 15, 2016, from http://www.sagu.edu/thoughthub/how-to-talk-to-someone-about-porn-addiction
3. Snagowski, J., & Brand, M. (n.d.). Symptoms of cybersex addiction can be linked to both approaching and avoiding pornographic stimuli: Results from an analog sample of regular cybersex users.


About the author:

Jacquelyn EkernJacquelyn Ekern, MS, LPC – Founder & Director

Jacquelyn Ekern founded Addiction Hope in January, 2013, after experiencing years of inquiries for addiction help by visitors to our well regarded sister site, Eating Disorder Hope. Many of the eating disorder sufferers that contact Eating Disorder Hope also had a co-occurring issue of addiction to alcohol, drugs, and process addictions (such as gambling, sex, shopping, etc). Because she believes in holistic recovery that addresses all of the destructive patterns or behaviors engaged in by the individual, it became clear that it would be helpful to also have a site that deals foremost with addiction, for those that suffer from addiction as a primary concern.

Jacquelyn Ekern is a fully licensed therapist and she manages both the Addiction Hope and Eating Disorder Hope organizations and websites.
Jacquelyn has a Bachelor of Science in Human Services degree from The University of Phoenix and a Masters degree in Counseling/Psychology, from Capella University. She is a member of the National Eating Disorder Association (NEDA), Academy of Eating Disorders (AED), the Eating Disorders Coalition (EDC) and the International Association of Eating Disorder Professionals (iaedp).


The opinions and views of our guest contributors are shared to provide a broad perspective of addictions. These are not necessarily the views of Addiction Hope, but an effort to offer discussion of various issues by different concerned individuals.

We at Addiction Hope understand that addictions result from a combination of environmental and genetic factors. If you or a loved one are suffering from an addiction, please know that there is hope for you, and seek immediate professional help.

Reviewed By: Jacquelyn Ekern, MS, LPC on January 22, 2016
Published on AddictionHope.com

About Baxter Ekern

Baxter Ekern is the Vice President of Ekern Enterprises, Inc. He contributed and helped write a major portion of Addiction Hope and is responsible for the operations of the website.